Presentation of a narcissist is misleading. At first appealing and entertaining, he is usually welcomed and shows traits akin to emotional intelligence. Still, separating these inclinations from actual emotional availability helps one better understand Machiavellian strategies.
Because they might be candid about past difficulties, someone with narcissistic tendencies may look vulnerable. Still, three elements could make this more of manipulation than vulnerability. The person first induces guilt by means of a personal struggle. Second, he leverages a trauma from the past to justify himself from responsibility in the present. Third, by projecting a personal dilemma, the person draws focus back on himself. These strategies let a narcissistic person seem to be the victim to rule and dominate others.
Lisa's boyfriend, for instance, recently broke up with her. Lisa bemoans her trouble living alone when Ann is at college at lunch with her kid. Ann wonders whether she should stay home as she feels guilty about wanting to go back to school. Lisa keeps talking about her extreme loneliness and despair brought on by her distance from her boyfriend and Ann's return to college. Ann worries she is selfish for choosing to go to a far-off institution and, although she loves her university, decides to stay at home and enroll in a community college to help her mother avoid sadness.
Lisa also shares her grief at the breakup of her romantic connection. Ann listens carefully for encouragement. Lisa tells Ann she is considering counseling since she wonders if her continuous urge to be in a relationship is a weakness. Ann feels delighted and happy that Lisa is getting support since she motivates her mother.
In the first portrayal, Lisa thinks she is the victim and should be in charge of her daughter instead of bearing personal responsibility for her own problem. On the other hand, Lisa shows sensitivity in the second scenario. She lets her daughter know about the emotional suffering she experiences and welcomes her assistance. Lisa turns inward and uses the challenging experience to get insight after accepting accountability for her situation. Rather than trying to persuade a loved one, she gets comfort and support and participates in activities that enable her grow.
If the person utilizes the experience to avoid responsibility in the present, then opening up about prior trauma could also be seen as "playing the victim." For instance, Charlie had an affair with a colleague while being in a committed relationship with Rick. Rick is told of Charlie's other connection through a mutual friend. Charlie cries and says he believes he hasn't got enough attention in the relationship when confronted. He also says he experienced trauma in previous relationships because of ex-partners who left him. Charlie writes of himself as "jaded." Rick finds confused. He starts to doubt himself even though he remembers being quite attentive and present in the relationship with Charlie. He agrees that Charlie has been harmed and thus deserves to cheat. Rick tries hard to spend more time with Charlie in the next months, but he finds Charlie seeing individuals outside of the relationship nonetheless.
In this case, Charlie leverages prior challenges as a justification for present transgressiveness. He damages Rick instead of keeping an honest and open conversation with him over feeling invisible. When he is discovered partly blaming Rick and referencing an injury from his past, he likewise avoids responsibility. Charlie presents himself as the victim and defends his treachery by blaming Rick and rejecting responsibility.
Charlie acknowledges he made a mistake, though, and apologizes. He owns his selfish behaviors and shows sympathy as he expresses a knowledge of how his acts destroyed Rick. They talk about the situation several times, and Charlie keeps owning full responsibility for his treachery. After some introspection, Charlie chooses to confront some childhood events when he saw his father cheating on his mother. He makes great effort on himself and manages to avoid repeating the error.
Another person can be manipulative if they promote prior adversity in order to re-focus attention on themselves. Vulnerability calls for someone to be candid with challenging and very personal uncomfortable feelings. Apart from group treatment or activity, one usually tries to protect the knowledge by just consulting one or two reliable confidantes. One could be playing the victim if someone shows a prior suffering just to get attention. This could be especially true if the disclosure takes place while the center of attention is someone else. Sensualizing and publicizing a trauma helps the individual "steals the spotlight."
For instance, Jane, recently divorced, gets encouragement from her friends during lunch. How she is doing? they wonder. Jane talks candidly about her challenges and her pals pay close attention. Often dominating and controlling the group's discussions, Sally, a friend, becomes agitated and offended. She wants the group to center her. She blurts out, suddenly, "My mom may have cancer." The women look to her and give her support and attention. Sally loves the limelight and throws every aspect of her mother's likely diagnosis right out. In this regard, Sally uses her and her mother's battle to re-focus the emphasis on herself. She controls the group's conversation and stays the major focus for the lunch.
Real vulnerability is sharing challenging and uncomfortable feelings that one finds difficult to accept. Often it calls for self-awareness, empathy for others, and responsibility. It also lets a loved one recognize and validate a sensitive area in another's soul. Closeness, trust, and intimacy follow from this. A partner who exposes a past trauma to inflict guilt, explain a nasty deed, or re-route attention to himself may be narcissistic and less able to be really vulnerable.
FAQs
Are narcissists highly intelligent?
Although intellectual narcissists are usually intelligent, they could show as if they are more educated than they actually are. Many times, this is done in an attempt to cover underlying fears and lack of insight.October 24, 2025
Can a narcissist be a good person?
Unlike most narcissists, persons with healthy narcissism do not use others to meet their demands, hence having features linked with this can be really beneficial. Healthy narcissists can create a solid sense of self-worth, honor the successes of others, and create enduring connections.
Paula Parente
Presentation of a narcissist is misleading. At first appealing and entertaining, he is usually welcomed and shows traits akin to emotional intelligence. Still, separating these inclinations from actual emotional availability helps one better understand Machiavellian strategies.
Because they might be candid about past difficulties, someone with narcissistic tendencies may look vulnerable. Still, three elements could make this more of manipulation than vulnerability. The person first induces guilt by means of a personal struggle. Second, he leverages a trauma from the past to justify himself from responsibility in the present. Third, by projecting a personal dilemma, the person draws focus back on himself. These strategies let a narcissistic person seem to be the victim to rule and dominate others.
Lisa's boyfriend, for instance, recently broke up with her. Lisa bemoans her trouble living alone when Ann is at college at lunch with her kid. Ann wonders whether she should stay home as she feels guilty about wanting to go back to school. Lisa keeps talking about her extreme loneliness and despair brought on by her distance from her boyfriend and Ann's return to college. Ann worries she is selfish for choosing to go to a far-off institution and, although she loves her university, decides to stay at home and enroll in a community college to help her mother avoid sadness.
Lisa also shares her grief at the breakup of her romantic connection. Ann listens carefully for encouragement. Lisa tells Ann she is considering counseling since she wonders if her continuous urge to be in a relationship is a weakness. Ann feels delighted and happy that Lisa is getting support since she motivates her mother.
In the first portrayal, Lisa thinks she is the victim and should be in charge of her daughter instead of bearing personal responsibility for her own problem. On the other hand, Lisa shows sensitivity in the second scenario. She lets her daughter know about the emotional suffering she experiences and welcomes her assistance. Lisa turns inward and uses the challenging experience to get insight after accepting accountability for her situation. Rather than trying to persuade a loved one, she gets comfort and support and participates in activities that enable her grow.
If the person utilizes the experience to avoid responsibility in the present, then opening up about prior trauma could also be seen as "playing the victim." For instance, Charlie had an affair with a colleague while being in a committed relationship with Rick. Rick is told of Charlie's other connection through a mutual friend. Charlie cries and says he believes he hasn't got enough attention in the relationship when confronted. He also says he experienced trauma in previous relationships because of ex-partners who left him. Charlie writes of himself as "jaded." Rick finds confused. He starts to doubt himself even though he remembers being quite attentive and present in the relationship with Charlie. He agrees that Charlie has been harmed and thus deserves to cheat. Rick tries hard to spend more time with Charlie in the next months, but he finds Charlie seeing individuals outside of the relationship nonetheless.
In this case, Charlie leverages prior challenges as a justification for present transgressiveness. He damages Rick instead of keeping an honest and open conversation with him over feeling invisible. When he is discovered partly blaming Rick and referencing an injury from his past, he likewise avoids responsibility. Charlie presents himself as the victim and defends his treachery by blaming Rick and rejecting responsibility.
Charlie acknowledges he made a mistake, though, and apologizes. He owns his selfish behaviors and shows sympathy as he expresses a knowledge of how his acts destroyed Rick. They talk about the situation several times, and Charlie keeps owning full responsibility for his treachery. After some introspection, Charlie chooses to confront some childhood events when he saw his father cheating on his mother. He makes great effort on himself and manages to avoid repeating the error.
Another person can be manipulative if they promote prior adversity in order to re-focus attention on themselves. Vulnerability calls for someone to be candid with challenging and very personal uncomfortable feelings. Apart from group treatment or activity, one usually tries to protect the knowledge by just consulting one or two reliable confidantes. One could be playing the victim if someone shows a prior suffering just to get attention. This could be especially true if the disclosure takes place while the center of attention is someone else. Sensualizing and publicizing a trauma helps the individual "steals the spotlight."
For instance, Jane, recently divorced, gets encouragement from her friends during lunch. How she is doing? they wonder. Jane talks candidly about her challenges and her pals pay close attention. Often dominating and controlling the group's discussions, Sally, a friend, becomes agitated and offended. She wants the group to center her. She blurts out, suddenly, "My mom may have cancer." The women look to her and give her support and attention. Sally loves the limelight and throws every aspect of her mother's likely diagnosis right out. In this regard, Sally uses her and her mother's battle to re-focus the emphasis on herself. She controls the group's conversation and stays the major focus for the lunch.
Real vulnerability is sharing challenging and uncomfortable feelings that one finds difficult to accept. Often it calls for self-awareness, empathy for others, and responsibility. It also lets a loved one recognize and validate a sensitive area in another's soul. Closeness, trust, and intimacy follow from this. A partner who exposes a past trauma to inflict guilt, explain a nasty deed, or re-route attention to himself may be narcissistic and less able to be really vulnerable.
FAQs
Are narcissists highly intelligent?
Although intellectual narcissists are usually intelligent, they could show as if they are more educated than they actually are. Many times, this is done in an attempt to cover underlying fears and lack of insight.October 24, 2025
Can a narcissist be a good person?
Unlike most narcissists, persons with healthy narcissism do not use others to meet their demands, hence having features linked with this can be really beneficial. Healthy narcissists can create a solid sense of self-worth, honor the successes of others, and create enduring connections.